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1 year ago
11
When you suddenly realize you're attracted to Meredith Blake AND the dad in The Parent Trap...
1. In The Parent Trap, when I started crushing HARD on Meredith Blake, but then Nick Parker also came into the picture, and I thought, "Wait a minute. Do I have unresolved daddy issues?"
Walt Disney Pictures
Elizabeth James, you will always be Princess Diana in my heart.
2. In Batman and Robin, when Chris O'Donnell wore that bulging suit with nipples on it, and his lips were SO glossy and glowing during that spicy kiss with Uma Thurman.
Warner Bros.
When Robin pulled off those rubber lips to prove that he was immune to Poison Ivy's deathly kiss??? I'm sorry, but if the two of them in this scene didn't make you question your sexuality then you're not human.
3. In John Tucker Must Die, when Sophia Bush gave Brittany Snow a kissing lesson in the car, but more importantly, when Jesse Metcalfe was tricked into wearing that lacy thong.
20th Century Fox
Honorable mention goes to Penn Badgley and those luscious, luscious curls, as well as basically any time Ashanti was on screen.
4. In Boy Meets World, when Jack toxically bragged about having 6% body fat and then offered to show everyone his abs, I had an ethereal, guttural reaction that changed my life forever.
ABC
I'm pretty sure that this scene with Matthew Lawrence was the start of all of my body image issues as a kid. And rightfully so!
5. And don't forget about that time he and Rachel had their first steamy make-out session on the couch and she towered over him and their mouths looked like they were basically eating each other and I loved every second of it while also wondering, "Am I really supposed to open up THAT wide while kissing someone?!"
ABC
I've already talked about my love for Shawn and Angela on this same red couch, so don't think I'm ignoring the impact those two had on my (our*) sexual awakening.
6. In Spy Kids, when Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino were so freaking horny for each other the entire time...and in those tight outfits, no less. They bring new meaning to the words "mommy and daddy."
Dimension Films
A formative moment for me was when Alexa Vega's character said "sh*t" and then tried to cover it up by saying "shiitake mushroom." Don't ask why.
7. In Bring It On, when Gabrielle Union cheered her way right into my heart, and all the male cheerleaders made me question everything.
Universal Pictures
I would NOT mind spotting those male cheerleaders, to be honest!
8. In Even Stevens, when society told me I should have a crush on Ren, and I did, but then Donnie and his friend Jason suddenly appeared, and I couldn't decide who I wanted more.
Disney Channel
I felt SO seen by Ren when she fantasized about Jason on the beach because, like, same, girl.
9. In X2: X-Men United, when Shawn Ashmore blew on Hugh Jackman's soda bottle to cool it up and I immediately thought of something else he could blow, too.
20th Century Fox
The sexual tension between Iceman and Wolverine was so palpable that it ALMOST made me forget about my undying thirst for James Marsden, Famke Janssen, and Halle Berry. Oh, to be a student at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning.
10. In Two of a Kind, when I was soooo jealous of Mary-Kate for having Carey as a babysitter AND Taylor as a math tutor, and I wanted nothing more than to be put in time-out by both of them.
ABC
I don't blame Ashley at all for wanting to switch places with Mary-Kate so she could get closer to Taylor. And don't even get me started on when he dressed as Leo DiCaprio in Titanic during the Halloween episode. Swoon.
11. In 13 Going on 30, when Jenna and Matty showed each other their Razzle-red tongues and I immediately fell for them and their ridiculous onscreen chemistry.
Sony Pictures Releasing
That whole "Why Can't I?" montage that plays while the two of them shoot Jenna's new version of Poise magazine??? I melt EVERY time.
12. In Smallville, when grown-adult Tom Welling played 14-year-old Clark Kent and I drooled a little bit every time his shirt came off.
The CW
He was 24 years old in real life when the show premiered, but I still think we'd make a cute couple together.
13. In The Lizzie McGuire Movie, when Kate and Ethan bonded over a plate of spaghetti in Rome and I wanted to Lady and the Tramp-style the pasta with both of them at the same time.
Walt Disney Studios
Kind of iconic that Ethan Craft taught me proper hair care (note: he lathers, rinses, but doesn't repeat) AND that I liked boys. Your faves could never.
14. In Family Matters, when I was fighting for my life between which Winslow sibling I wanted to date more — Laura had the style and brains, but Eddie had the muscles.
ABC
But I would have happily settled for either of them because that meant Carl and Harriette would have been my in-laws.
15. In Legally Blonde, when Elle talked about those four amazing hours she spent in the hot tub with Warner after Winter Formal, so ~I~ started thinking about spending four amazing hours in the hot tub with Warner.
MGM
I also would have settled for just joining Elle in the pool between takes of her video essay to Harvard.
16. In 7th Heaven, when Jessica Biel said, "No thanks. I don't smoke," and the D.A.R.E. kid in me had never seen anything hotter...until Barry Watson and David Gallagher walked on the set.
The CW
This religious show made me have so many sinful thoughts. See you all in hell!
17. In Motocrossed, when my apparently bi king Dean was 100% crushing on Andrea ~even though he thought she was a guy~, and I wanted to join both of them in that hot, sweaty lake.
Disney Channel
I love how Disney was like "let's remake Mulan but center it around the sport of motocross."
18. In the TV movie version of Cinderella, when Brandy and Paolo Montalban's chemistry was SO electric that I wanted to ask a fairy godmother to make me their third.
Walt Disney Pictures
The way they looked at each other??? Those smiles??? Heaven!
19. In Full House, when I would have k*lled for Uncle Jesse to sing the "Teddy Bear" song to me in bed...and then I would have asked him to hop right in with me.
ABC
Also, I was the ultimate goody-two-shoes while growing up, so when Gia appeared on screen as the ~bad girl~ I became VERY intrigued.
20. In The Mummy, when Rachel Weisz and Brendan Fraser looked like THAT in every single scene and my heart skipped several beats.
Universal Pictures
Quirky, smart, and hot badasses. You really can't do better than that, folks.
Like???????? Look at them!!!!!!!!
Universal Pictures / courtesy Everett Collection
21. In Sister, Sister, when Tyreke was introduced as a mechanic before ultimately dating Tia and I desperately wanted to get all oily and greasy with him.
The WB
Looking back, I probably should have realized I was queer whenever I became extra invested in the "Fashions by Lisa" plotlines. Orrrrr when Tia, Tamera, and Diavian (<3) created a girl group and sang The Supremes.
22. In Alley Cats Strike, when 10-year-old me was convinced that bowling had never looked hotter, and I wanted to 7–10 split Kyle Schmid in half. And Robert Ri'Chard. And Kaley Cuoco.
Disney Channel
Those three are the reasons why I had bowling birthday parties as a kid. (No, I was not cool!)
23. And finally, in The Santa Clause, literally every single time Bernard appeared on the screen. (Don't judge me!!!!)
Walt Disney Pictures
That New York accent even though he's from the North Pole....the fact that he's pro-union...the way he oversees thousands of elves in order to bring Christmas joy to every kid on Earth...perfect men DO exist!
There are too many queer sexual awakenings to count, so feel free to share your own in the comments below!
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