‘Can we have a playdate?’: The second most asked question of school-aged kids

Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

Every day when I pick my kids up from their elementary school, I know two things will happen: 1) my kids will all run up to me and give me hugs — a total joy; and 2) at least one or two of my kids’ classmates will ask if they can have a playdate right then and there. The optimism of kids is truly a marvel. I actually find it quite affirming that so many kids want to come to our home and hang out with my kids — it means we must be doing something right — but it can get overwhelming. 

I feel like my other parents out there understand. Amirite? 

Kids always want to have playdates. We have had to prep our kids in advance of going to various events, reminding them not to come ask us if so-and-so can come over and hang out, or a step further, spend the night. But it never fails. Kids, in their unending joy and enthusiasm, will run up to you right as everybody’s trying to make an exit and aggressively ask to do one … or both. No matter the reason you say, “not today” or “ we’ll find a time for you all to have a playdate,” the kids are up-in-arms and cannot believe that they aren’t able to continue their fun at somebody’s home immediately. It’s as if the kids have never considered that “no” was a possibility. Again, the optimism of kids is a marvel. 

I really don’t mind playdates, you know. While I do worry about the state of my home once the kids who aren’t mine leave, seeing and hearing kids have so much fun with their classmates or whoever lets me know my kids are happy and have happy kids as friends. Kids ride bikes and play UNO and run and laugh and such. They play inside and outside and play classics like hide-and-seek. It’s a fun and harmless way to get their energy out, eat and then crash at night for some solid sleep. 

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The part about playdates that I mind is that kids do so much planning on their own that when they ask and it can’t happen, they become deflated little humans whose hopes and dreams have been dashed. Well, at least until you get them ice cream; ice cream has been scientifically proven to fix all situations. OK, it hasn’t been proven scientifically, but anecdotally, it’s a win most of the time. As soon as you say no, the question most asked by school-aged children is repeated, on loop: “Why!?!?” Incredulously, to boot. It’s almost as if they cannot fathom what could possibly get in the way of their meager request to have a playdate, right then and there, with the people they want to spend the most time with. You know what’s really funny? My kids will have playdates with kids and they will spend all of this time on their iPads playing Roblox or something. They will do the same thing they do when they’re not in the same space, with FaceTime being used so they can talk to one another. They want playdates to simulate the same activities they do when they don’t have friends over. Kids are funny. 

Every parent that I know gets inundated with playdate requests. It’s clearly an age thing. My daughter is older and isn’t looking for a daily playdate with her teenage friends. In fact, some days I think she’d rather not be bothered with anybody at all. My youngest (nearly 4) also doesn’t ask but he also hugs every Black woman he knows and refers to them all as aunties so for him, going outside is a constant playdate. But my 8- and 9-year-olds are playdates mavens. They like them, they love them, they want more of them. All of the time, every day. 

For those of you whose kids are toddlers but about to age into their elementary school years, be prepared for the daily request to have a friend or two come over. Get all of the snacks and all of the games ready. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to reply to this text to schedule a playdate this weekend despite the lack of free time because my kids really need to see their friends so they can quietly play on their iPads in the same room.

Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio and host of the award-winning podcast, “Dear Culture” on theGrio Black Podcast Network. He writes very Black things, drinks very brown liquors, and is pretty fly for a light guy. His biggest accomplishment to date coincides with his Blackest accomplishment to date in that he received a phone call from Oprah Winfrey after she read one of his pieces (biggest) but he didn’t answer the phone because the caller ID said “Unknown” (Blackest).