Hamlin on first practice in pads: 'Feels amazing'

PITTSFORD, N.Y. -- Damar Hamlin was on one knee, warming up in his usual spot all the way to the left on the defensive line. Head athletic trainer Nate Breske came over to him, talked for a little and pointed and waved in the direction of Hamlin's family.

The moment was one of my many little ones that, without context, would be considered normal at the first padded practice of Buffalo Bills training camp. Hamlin stretching out his arms and putting his head to the sky during warmups. The first pass Hamlin defensed in the 11-on-11 period where he made contact with the receiver. Throwing the ball with his eight-year-old brother, Damir, after practice.

For the first time since suffering cardiac arrest on a football field in Cincinnati on Jan. 2, Hamlin participated in a padded practice and the little moments transformed into remarkable ones.

"It feels amazing," Hamlin said of being in pads again in his first news conference since April. "It's a roller coaster of emotions. I was kind of all over the place, just kind of being back for the first time. But God don't make no mistakes. I'm on God's timing. As much as the NFL is on schedule and camp starts this day, this is all God's timing."

Hamlin, who has been a full participant in Bills practices since OTAs in early June, had his parents, Mario and Nina, and his agent, Ira Turner, in attendance and watching from the sidelines as he cleared a "super big hurdle" in his journey.

"I pretty much lost my life playing this sport. So, to come back and do it all over again, it's all over the place," Hamlin said. "I'm rooted in my faith. I'm rooted in the love that I receive from my family, my teammates and the love all around the world. That keeps me going. And I've got goals that I still want to achieve within this game."

Hamlin, 25, shared in April that doctors concluded that he suffered a specific type of cardiac arrest, commotio cordis, "an extremely rare consequence of blunt force trauma to the heart that happens at exactly the wrong time in the heart rhythm, causing the heart to stop beating effectively," per the American Heart Association. Collapsing occurs within a few seconds. He was cleared by multiple heart specialists to return to the field.

To start the day, the team's first practice in pads this camp, Hamlin ran onto the practice field with his helmet already on his head. It remained on throughout warmups and as practice got underway. Hesitation was something that Hamlin did not experience in his first padded practice, as he said that you can't "hit that field with no hesitation. You're putting yourself in more danger by doing that."

He did acknowledge, however, that he's processing thousands of emotions, and that "I'm not afraid to say that it crosses my mind of being a little scared here and there. But like I say, my strength is rooted in my faith. And my faith is stronger than any fear."

While the first padded practice was a big hurdle, he said that the impact from the events of Jan. 2 will stay with him.

"For me, it never was about the first moment of contact," Hamlin said. "It never was about the first one. Because what happened to me, it was such random, and it was any moment. But that feeling, you know, it'll never go away. First day, last day, when I retire -- it'll never go away.

"But like I said, man, my faith is stronger than... it's stronger than that fear that's in there. When I hit that field, I'm not thinking twice. I'm gonna go make a tackle, just like I would any other day, whether whatever happened to me. But those feelings will be in there forever, and I'm not afraid to say that."