Watch: Moms Actually is helping mothers reclaim their identity

We often hear the extremes of postpartum depression, but what happens when everyone’s case isn’t a Level 10? The Cleveland Clinic defines postpartum anxiety as excessive worrying that occurs after childbirth or adoption. People with postpartum anxiety may feel all-consumed with worry and constantly nervous or panicked. It affects between 11% and 21% of people, but healthcare providers don’t have a screening process for diagnosis.

Blair Gyamfi and Morgan Taylor are the co-founders of Moms Actually, a digital platform and motherhood community that aims to redefine motherhood and break away from the unhealthy expectations society has placed on women. They both experienced either postpartum depression or anxiety after having their children. TheGrio’s Natasha S. Alford talked to Gyamfi and Taylor about wanting to normalize everyone’s version of parenting and the impact social media has on mothers.

The following is a transcript of their conversation.

Natasha S. Alford [00:00:05] Welcome back. We’re talking with Blair Gyamfi and Morgan Taylor, the co-founders of “Moms Actually.” So, ladies, I love the concept that you’re creating. I love the safe space that you are creating for mothers to talk about their real feelings and the real challenges of motherhood.

And I wonder if you could just share a little bit more about your journey. Blair, you started off talking about the challenge of bonding with your child. When did you start to find success and what were the keys to seeing that change?

Blair Gyamfi [00:00:35] I don’t think I actually liked my daughter until so she was about 18 months maybe, when she started communicating, when she started walking around, I realized I’m just not a baby person. I’m a toddler and beyond person. But I didn’t know that was a normal thing.

And then it felt weird to talk about because the association with what I felt was, this may seem extreme, but you’re going to kill your baby. Because all the discussions about postpartum depression are very extreme. They drove off a cliff. They drowned their children. It’s always an extreme story. And it wasn’t until I saw an article by Chrissy Teigen about postpartum depression, I saw the term ‘postpartum anxiety.’

And finally being able to put a name on what was going on with me helped me overcome it because I didn’t feel like I was now in this strange, made-up space that was only me. I realized it was an actual thing, an actual diagnosis, and so it gave me the ability to talk about it more. And then I met so many women that felt the same way, so I did not feel crazy anymore. I did not feel alone anymore. And that just really helped me being able to identify it and speak about it.

Alford [00:01:57] Something about destigmatizing, you know, being honest, I think is really important and it actually does save lives when you take away that stigma of what is normal, right? Because there’s so many emotions that come up in motherhood, which you just wouldn’t expect. Morgan, what about you, on a personal level, what were some of the challenges that you encountered in motherhood and how did you try to approach them?

Morgan Taylor [00:02:23] Yeah, so much like Blair, I actually also suffered from postpartum, but mine was postpartum depression, so I actually didn’t experience it until my last child. I had two daughters prior and I didn’t experience too much of any postpartum depression or anxiety. And so it was a shock for me because, you know, after you have one child and the second child, you kind of feel like, OK, I’ve got this. And that was not the case with my third.

It was a completely different experience. And once I started to just do some research — and at the time it was in 2018, social media and things like that were definitely a thing, a lot of bloggers. And to Blair’s point, it’s a lot of extreme stories, and I just couldn’t see myself in those stories. I couldn’t see myself being able to relate to much of what they were talking about, even at the doctor’s office. They only give you a sheet of paper with a quick survey and you’re supposed to be diagnosed from just that, those little five questions.

And so I decided I’m like, one, there might be somebody out there like me who is going through a couple of, you know, feelings and emotions and things, and they’re trying to find someone else who was going through this. And it shouldn’t be that we feel like we’re alone, that we feel like we’re crazy. And you just need someone to kind of say like, oh my gosh, me too.

And so that’s what started for me is I wanted to basically make a platform that allowed people to say, ‘Oh my goodness, this is not just me, this is someone else, too. And this is also how they are getting through it and maybe this could work for me as well.’ And so I wasn’t able to find that and I decided to just start it.

Alford [00:04:21] For sure. I wonder about the impact of social media on mothers as they’re trying to get back to themselves. There’s the plus of, you know, finding great platforms that give you inspiration and encouragement. But also there’s the negative of unrealistic expectations, whether it’s about how your body is supposed to look or about how you’re supposed to interact with your children every day.

You see these beautiful photo shoots and, you know, you’re like, again, I was in sweatpants and a tee for what felt like a year. I was like, I can’t rally to take these very cute photo shoots. So what do you think is the impact of social media on mothers, for better or for worse? And how can we just sort of stay grounded in reality? Blair, what do you think?

Gyamfi [00:05:05] So I think it goes back to the unrealistic expectations and why moms don’t think they’re doing enough. Because we’re comparing to social media. So we think we are supposed to go on three vacations a year with our kids. We think we are supposed to get dressed every day. We think we are supposed to make sure we are doing, not only engaging with them, but doing ‘do it yourself’ engagement with all your children and no messes occur and everybody’s house is clean.

And even though we know likely that’s not true. If you see something enough you tend to believe it. And that’s why we have the conversations that we do, and that’s why we try to be honest in the groups that we’re having, in the lives that we hold because we’re like, we know this is presented, but this is what’s behind what’s presented. And we want to bring on influencers, celebrities, people that our audience looks up to so they can be honest. They can say, you see this on social, but in real life, this is what’s going on.

This is what I feel. This is what I went through. No one’s going to put their worst moments in the hard moments on social media unless that you know, that one transparent post, of course. But other than that, you’re not really going to see it. It’s not the place for it. So we wanted to create the space for it.

Alford [00:06:27] Yes. Yes, indeed. Well, good job, mamas. Thank you for creating the platform and for sharing your stories today. Blaire Gyamfi and Morgan Taylor. If you want to learn more about their organization, Moms Actually, head to their website at www.momsactually.com.

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